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A Snake Came Out of a Toilet and I CANNOT

When I was young, I heard an urban legend about a snake in a toilet. I don’t remember whether my older siblings told me the tale, or some neighborhood kids, but it was terrifying. Supposedly, some person in an apartment complex had a snake that crawled into the owner’s toilet. Inexplicably (but believably, to a kid), parts of the snake showed up in all of the toilets of the apartment complex. The kicker was that the snake’s head showed up…IN THE OWNER’S TOILET! DUN, DUN, DUN! As I grew, I quickly realized that the story was probably just that – a story. That is, until the recent story of how a SNAKE CAME OUT OF A TOILET. I CANNOT WITH THIS. NO NO NO.

A different kind of “plumbing snake”

According to the news story, in Florida (because of course it’s in Florida) a man was bit on the hand by a ball python when it crawled out of his toilet. My childhood nightmare actually happened. I feel justified. And, also like I now need to carefully inspect every toilet I intend to use, for the slightest sign of slithering.

The incident happened around 4 in the morning. I imagine the man was minding his own business, got up for a late-night tinkle, when -SNAP- snake bite! Fortunately (not sure if I say that in this situation), the snake bit him on the hand and not on more sensitive, bathroom-related areas of the body. Authorities took the snake to a reptile center. No one seems to know where the snake came from, or if he was trying to enter or leave the man’s home via the toilet.

It just wanted to Slytherin

If you’ve read previous things I’ve written, or known me personally, my long-standing fear of snakes is well-documented. I got a lot of teasing late last year for a post I made on Facebook about being scared by a baby copperhead in my neighborhood. I don’t hate snakes or wish them any harm, I just want them to conduct their business ELSEWHERE, OKAY?

Here’s hoping the authorities figure out exactly where the snake came from, so the Florida man can prevent any future nighttime visitors. Otherwise, just count this as Reason #34509 I don’t ever want to live in Florida. As for the snake, you can bet he’s mad now, since his attempt to get into the Chamber of Secrets was thwarted.

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