Broccoli Spilled on Atlanta Highway

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To the delight of children and finicky eaters all over the southeast, a recent tractor-trailer crash resulted in the destruction of 40,000 pounds of broccoli. Over the years, Atlanta has seen several strange things dumped onto its roadways, including cows, chemicals, and even raw chicken. This time, it was the often-loathed cruciferous green vegetable that fell victim. Authorities say that the semi in this incident was driving late at night and overturned on an interstate ramp. The broccoli spilled (probably in slow-motion) on the side of the Atlanta highway.

I, for one, enjoy broccoli, but I am very specific about when, how often, and whether I should put a lot of cheese on it or A LOT OF CHEESE on it. If you’ve been following my work for awhile, you may realize that I have a bit of a fascination with food spilled onto roadways. Perhaps it’s because I hear my mother’s voice in my head, gently reminding me that “WE DON’T WASTE FOOD”. Maybe I just find it a fun distraction.

You have some broccoli in your…roadway?

The ramp was closed for several hours, but cleanup continued for much longer than that. All the broccoli had to be removed before the tractor-trailer could be dealt with. A local media outlet claimed that the spill did not affect Atlanta traffic. Well, I live here and I say that’s only because it happened on a holiday weekend. Otherwise, literally anything affects Atlanta traffic. Car accidents, frozen food products spilled on roads, too much sunlight, not enough sunlight, rubbernecking, a minuscule amount of rain, your grandmother’s disappointment in your behavior at church…I could go on forever.

Who wanted broccoli out of the picture?

There’s no word on how the driver is doing. I can’t help but wonder if he was part of a bigger plan. Perhaps he was hired by Big Chocolate to remove broccoli from the menu PERMANENTLY. Alright, I know how silly that sounds. It was probably Big Cauliflower, angry at the competition. I’m sure there are vegetable lobbies for this sort of thing. Maybe an underground vegetable mafia.

In all sincerity, I’m glad no one was injured. I hope this incident doesn’t severely affect whatever company produced and shipped the broccoli. Hopefully, it’s a big enough corporation that it can absorb the cost and the driver won’t face any charges – after all, accidents can happen.

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