Just kidding! Like I know how to not be hard on myself!?!? Do you? Then give me some insight please, because all I want to do right now is find a den to hide in and hibernate until we move out of Georgia.
I started a new job recently. I just completed my third full week and yet every day still feels like the first day of school. If my boss doesn’t fire me within the next few weeks, I will consider it Divine Intervention.
My boss is amazing…she’s Superwoman: She is an expert-level scheduler, she maintains relationships with each of her employees and customers, and when it comes to dealing with me, she has the patience of Mother Theresa. Every single day, I have managed to make a mistake that involves some kind of smoothing over with the customers. My Superwoman Boss has not scolded me once…but she doesn’t have to. I go home and scold myself. I have been losing sleep and peace of mind since starting this job. It has nothing to do with my boss or the environment I work in, which is quite peaceful actually (it is a salon, after all). It’s how I handle my mistakes at the end of the day. I find myself distraught, with my stomach in knots. I go to sleep feeling anxious, I wake up feeling anxious, and even when it’s my day off, I dread my next day of work when I know I will make the inevitable mistakes that will require yet more smoothing over with customers.
I can’t go like this for two reasons. First, expecting that I will make massive mistakes will bring it to fruition: “Your energy flows where your focus goes”. Second, it’s just not healthy…the stress is literally causing me to lose sleep and now my neck/shoulders feel like I have a rebar in it.
I know, I know…I should be meditating. Remember that post?? ARGH!!! Something else to feel bad about!!!
Being a neurotic perfectionist is just not paying off and yet I’m not sure how to change that part of myself when it seems that this is who I am to the core. Also, my job really does seem to require me to handle things perfectly or there will be an issue to fix. I’m truly interested in knowing what you, The Reader, does to stay sane and zen when things feel chaotic. What can I do to keep from wanting to barf every time I get into my car to head to work?
For now, I’ll pet my dogs, watch Netflix while I knit, and make an effort to start meditating this weekend. I will also make an effort to look forward to the coming week as one that will bless me with confidence and self-assurance; ability and skill, laughter and a well-earned paycheck. Ohmmmmmmmm…..
Writer
CJ Heath
