If you were to survey the adults in your immediate locale, you’d be hard pressed not to find one or more who have been divorced or know someone who has. The good news is that current data shows there has been a significant decrease in the number of divorces throughout the nation. More good news is that the decrease did not occur because less people are getting married although the fact the millennials seem to marry later in life than their baby boomer counterparts might (or might not) have something to do with the marital longevity they appear to be enjoying.
In much the same way that many 18-year-olds feel like they should go to college simply because that is what is expected of people their age in this society, not necessarily because they feel a calling to pursue a particular degree, many married people have given in to a trend that says it’s better to cut ties when something goes wrong in a relationship than to keep a marriage intact if someone isn’t happy.
Ironically, the greatest increase in the national divorce rate has been among those who are age 55 and beyond. In fact, the number of people in this age group who divorce has tripled in recent years; it has become so common that it now has its own name: Gray Divorce.
Life can be stressful. Marriage can be both rewarding and greatly challenging. When the latter is the predominant factor, it’s easy to fall into a rut, and just as easy (because society has made it so) to ask for walking papers. Many people, however, are growing tired of having to start all over, especially after having been with a spouse for 10 or more years.
Keeping the following ideas in mind (and hopefully, implementing one or more) can strengthen your resolve to keep on keepin’ on when the going gets tough in your marriage:
Try to be mindful and grateful that your spouse chose you above all others as “the one” to walk hand-in-hand with for life. Yes, problems can arise that make you not even want to see each others’ faces much less hold hands, but if you can remember that your spouse found you special enough to want to spend the rest of his or her life with you, it might remind you that you also found him or her just as special.
Resolve to think and say positive things about your spouse regardless whether he or she is thinking or saying positive things about you. Mind-over-matter is a powerful tool; studies show that habits can be typically be formed within 20 days. Just 20 days of effort to think and say nice things about your spouse can help divorce-proof your marriage.
Life changes. Bodies change. Energy levels change, depending on health condition, age, lifestyle, etc. All that said, every spouse wants to feel sexually attractive to his or her mate; if you are struggling in this area, try to be willing to reach out to stir the embers.
Don’t ignore the topic of divorce. Instead, recognize that it is a possibility in all marriages and agree that you both want to do whatever it takes to make sure yours is not one of them.
If you actively live a particular faith, join together to pray and seek God’s assistance to restore your relationship. Especially if you are Christian, focusing on Scripture verse Matthew 19:26 can mean the difference between giving up and believing that no matter how turbulent your marital waters become, Jesus can calm the sea.
There is no perfect marriage and no two marriages are exactly the same. Sometimes, what is most needed to avoid divorce is to stop expecting perfection and to stop comparing your relationship or your spouse to others. You and your partner fell in love and loved each other so much that you
Writer Bio: Judy Dudich
Judy Dudich resides in the beautiful woods of Pennsylvania, where 24 acres of land and a home-office provide the perfect setting for her children’s home-education and her own homesteading and business ventures. Life is full of blessings (and challenges!) for Judy, as a wife, mother of 10 and Grammy to six. She is a published author, whose book, “I Surrender/A Study Guide for Women” continues to encourage and support others in Christian family lifestyles throughout the world. Judy has also previously worked in the online speaking circuit. Her passion for permaculture, re-purposing, foraging and organic gardening fills her days with learning and adventure that she loves to share.