Okay, okay…they weren’t live..er, I mean, they weren’t in person. By the way, my family accuses me of creating titles that are like “clickbait”. Whaaaa— me??? Anyhoo–here’s how it all went down.
My high school kiddo says she needs me to pick her up from school and take her to the Georgia Bureau of Investigations (GBI) so she can interview one of the Special Agents. Done and DONE. I decide to put my bra on and actually slap on a pair of jeans. If I am going to be in an accident, I don’t want anyone to cut through my favorite jammy pants. My bra keeps me modest, of course. Duh.
As I’m driving to her school, she calls to tell me that she needs me to stay and take pics. Okay, first of all, I’m tired. Not so sure I want to take countless pics of you talking to special agents. But thank the Lord I put on my bra and a pair of jeans. I mean, seriously.
We get to the Bureau and the experience becomes UH-MAZE-ING!!!! Gone is my tiredness and suddenly *I* want to join the GBI. They are so patient talking to us. Kiddo and I take turns asking the Special Agent questions. I try to to keep my cool and be quiet, but I feel like Hermione from Harry Potter: I want to frantically raise my hand and ask/answer questions. I know that the interview is really for Kiddo but no one, and I mean NO ONE likes uncomfortable silences (hence the word “uncomfortable”) so I do what I do best and fill every nook and cranny of uncomfortable silence with what I know are thought-provoking, earth-shattering, mind-blowing questions.
At some point, maybe to escape the feeling that he’s being grilled in an interrogation room, the Special Agent takes us on a field trip around the office. We see the “Evidence Room”, which isn’t much bigger than a broom closet because most of the evidence is sent away, or archived when it’s returned.
Then we go to what looks like a big garage. There is A LOT in that room…I’m in a dream because I see luminol, crime scene tape, a hot glue machine/cabinet to process fingerprints, a massive table to process evidence… Everything from The New Detectives: Case Studies in Forensic Science. I could have died happy right there. And then they could have used the massive table to figure out my cause of death, which is what I’ve already told you: happiness. Case closed.
Eventually, I meet Lee, one of the leaders and he is amazing and personable. Seriously–no egos in that office. He says, “You wanna see some crime scene pics?”. Um, what should a girl who has seen every single crime and forensic series on DVD or streamed on Netflix say??!? “Yes, Lee, that would be interesting,” I manage to say with composure. We walk into his tiny office and I see a poster of a murdered beauty queen. I’ve seen her on Dateline and other national shows. The GBI has recently closed her case and they are proud.
Finally, he pulls up crime scene photos. It was “World’s Dumbest Criminals” meets human depravity. I won’t delve into the pics themselves because let’s face it, there is NOTHING funny about the death of a human being at the hands of another. So yes, I did use my title as clickbait–shoot me! And then the GBI will process the evidence and link it to you.
As I slipped into my jammy pants later and removed the awful Sadistic Modesty Contraption, I reflect on one of the most interesting days of my life. It felt good to meet some of the men and women who are closing cases and bringing justice to the families of victims. Maybe one day I’ll live vicariously through my teen when she becomes a part of the GBI. It was worth going, even if I had to dress up and take lots of pics.
Writer Bio: CJ Heath
